Wedding jokes

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Tell wedding jokes that amuse and don't offend guests

There are lots of really awful wedding jokes around, so I've tried to put those aside. The problem with using wedding jokes is that you run the risk of offending some wedding guests. Choose your wedding jokes carefully.

Of course, the wedding jokes that will best suit you will depend on which speech you are giving. You may be wanting best man speech jokes or wedding jokes for the groom, for example. These will differ because the aim of the speeches differ.

I will try to cover a small range of wedding jokes so there is something for everybody.

By the way, there is a free set of wedding jokes available with our MC e-book so you might like to get those, as well as looking at the ones in this short article.

Here is the first wedding joke on marriage.

Marriage is an institution where two people come together to jointly solve the problems they never had before they got married!

Wedding jokes: the honeymoon

There are wedding jokes about all manner of topics to do with married life, the honeymoon, and the characteristics of a husband and wife, for instance. Which ones you find funny will depend on your sense of humour, of course, and your individual take on these topics. The same goes for your wedding guests. They won't all find the same wedding jokes funny.

Here is a joke about the honeymoon, for example.

It was the first night of the newly weds in their bridal suite. The handsome young groom was staring out the window very intently into the starry night while his young bride was sitting patiently in bed waiting. "Aren't you coming to bed darling?" she said sexily. "No way", he replied. "My mother said this would be the most wonderful night of my life and I'm not going to miss it for anything!"

Wedding jokes: the bride

Most wedding jokes about the bride seem to make fun of her right to make decisions, her willingness to spend the groom's money, her desire to improve the husband, and her need to be obeyed.

Take this one, for example.

Any married man should forget his mistakes because there is no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Whether this is funny or not will depend on the person saying it, the sense of humour of the bride, and the marital experiences of the wedding guests. The context in which it is placed within the speech, and the way you say it also has an influence on its success. Out of context most of these, so called, funny wedding jokes aren't funny.

Here is another example:

Three men were at a bar. Two of the men were discussing the control they had over their wives, while the third remained uninterested. After a short while, the two men turned to the third and asked, "What about you? What kind of control do you have over your wife?" The third man turned to the first two and said, "Well, just the other day I had her on her knees!" The two men were dumbfounded. "Wow that's incredible! What happened next?" they asked. The third man took a healthy swig of his beer, sighed and grumbled, "Then she started screaming at me to get out from under the bed and fight like a man!"

Wedding jokes: the in-laws

Be careful what you say about the in-laws, if you are the groom, because they may be your in-laws for a very long time! There is no point in ruining the relationship at the wedding reception.

For example, you may say the following with your mates, but would you say it at the wedding? I'm not sure it is a wedding joke I'd use, but it depends on the sense of humour of your mother-in-law!

What is the penalty for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.

Wedding jokes for the groom

When you are selecting your wedding jokes decide what you want the wedding jokes to achieve. Of course, laughter can be wonderful as part of the wedding reception and as part of your speech.

However, just check whose expense the laughter is at, and whether people will laugh with you or at you, or at somebody else who may feel hurt.

Most jokes get at somebody, here is a classic example:

A man was speaking to God. "God, why did you make women so beautiful?" he asked. God said: "I did that to make you love them". Then the man asked: "Well, God; why did you make them such good cooks?" God said: "I did that to make you love them". The man then asked: "But God, why did you make women so stupid?" God said: "I did that to make them love you."

Wedding jokes: best man speech jokes

There are always the classic best man's speech jokes but please make sure that your wedding guests or the bridal party haven't already heard them all before. If they have, they are less likely to laugh. Here is a standard one:

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it!

Of course, the best man's speech jokes can often take the mickey out of marriage or try to warn his mate, the groom what he is in for.

Here's an example:

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

There are many wedding jokes you can select from. This brief article is to simply give you an idea of the range available.

There are pages and pages more of them in our free wedding jokes guide when you buy the MC e-book . It has a special section devoted to weddings. The principles in it can be applied to most wedding speeches, not just the master of ceremonies speech. There are also some sample wedding speeches.

Of course, you don't have to tell funny wedding jokes. Personal stories featuring members of the bridal party can make a wedding far more intimate and funny.